At Imani Treatment Centre, “A Goodbye Letter to My Eating Disorder” is an assignment often given to clients as part of their therapeutic process — when they are ready for it.

t’s a deeply personal exercise in self-reflection and release — a chance to say farewell to something that once felt like a friend, yet caused so much harm.

The following letter, written by one of our clients, is shared anonymously and with her permission. Her words speak to the courage it takes to face an eating disorder head-on, to recognise the pain it has caused, and to take back her life.

“It’s time to say goodbye…

I don’t even know where or how to start saying goodbye to you, because I still haven’t figured out where you end and where I begin. What I do know is that I’m sick of you. I can’t get to know myself with you still around — and that terrifies me.

You’ve been with me for so long, Luna. I looked up to you. I created you. I aspired to be like you — beautiful and skinny, loved and admired. You knew how to have a good time. But you were also a master manipulator, a liar, and a thief. You ruined my life.

You pretended to be my best friend. You made sure I felt validated by others, but it was never real, was it? The person I was trying to be wasn’t me at all. You pushed me to do things just to belong — to smoke, to drink, to take drugs — because that made us “cool.” You made me believe I had to use my body to be accepted, that saying no was weak.

You taught me how to hide behind excuses, how to survive. But what you really did was destroy me.

You came into my life around the age of twelve — or maybe even earlier. When Mom and Dad split up, I think that’s when I started welcoming you in. I didn’t get the attention I needed, so I created you to fill that gap. You were my way of being seen.

And when my sister died, I felt so alone, so misunderstood. That’s when you took over completely. You filled every corner of my mind. You told me I needed to be feared, to protect myself. You made me mirror the wrong people — the ones who seemed powerful, untouchable. You made me do things I would never have done. You had me lie, manipulate, and use my body to feel loved.

I never belonged. I was desperate for love, and you sent me searching for it again and again — in drugs, alcohol, and empty relationships. You told me being skinny was the only way to be worthy. Skip breakfast, skip lunch, eat a starter for dinner. You had all the rules.

We travelled the world together. You were always there, whispering how to play innocent, how to keep people close. Every time I thought I could start over without you, you followed me. Sometimes not right away — but you always showed up. You told me that if I didn’t look or act a certain way, people would leave me. And every time, you proved it. You made me ruin every friendship, every relationship, until you were the only one left.

But I’m tired now. So tired.

It’s finally time to let you go. I don’t need your lies anymore. They didn’t keep me safe — they nearly killed me. I was dying from hunger, from self-harm, from drugs, from loneliness. Because the truth is, no one — not even me — has met the real me for more than a decade.

I hate what you’ve done to my life, and I’m demanding that you leave it for good.

…Me”

Closing Note

This letter is a reminder that recovery is not about perfection, but about honesty, courage, and the willingness to say enough.
We are honoured to walk beside our clients as they take these brave steps toward freedom, self-acceptance, and healing.

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, Imani Treatment Centre offers specialised care and compassionate support.
📞 +27(21) 761-0740
🌐 www.imanitreatment.co.za
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