A Former Client’s Journey of Recovery

Imani Treatment Centre, Specialised Care for Eating Disorders, is honoured to share this powerful personal story from a former client. Her journey is one of courage, honesty, and deep personal healing — a message of hope to anyone still struggling.

“When I look back to a year ago, I feel sad remembering how deeply I was suffering.”

Even though I had nearly eight years of therapy behind me, I felt really, really low. Every day revolved around not eating and exercising. I felt empty, depressed, and exhausted. Honestly, I felt dead inside. I was dissociating almost the entire day, unable to connect with my family, housemates, or friends. I punished myself a lot. It was just me and my eating disorder.

I no longer knew how to stay in recovery. I had tried many different therapies, but nothing really worked for me. For a long time, I felt I needed to leave home, family, and friends to truly recover. At first, I didn’t dare—it felt like such a huge and scary step. But I wanted to give recovery one last shot, so I contacted Imani and started organising everything. I made a decision and promised my therapist I would give it my all—no escape routes, just full surrender to the treatment.

The first few weeks of treatment were very difficult. My inner critic was so harsh, and I struggled to find my place in the community. My English wasn’t great, so I was afraid to speak up. On the weekends, when we had free time for fun activities, I felt lonely and depressed. I couldn’t enjoy anything.

But despite all of this, I surrendered to the treatment. I did everything I was supposed to do: I challenged and broke many of my own “food rules”, I stopped exercising, I completed all the step work as part of the 12-Step programme, and I found an amazing sponsor. After a few weeks, Imani and the community started to feel safe. Day by day, I found more space to share and connect with those around me.

My body slowly regained strength, which helped me be more present and engaged. After two months of treatment, I was allowed to go horseback riding on the beach. I had always ridden horses since I was eleven and used to love it—until my eating disorder took that away. It had been a long time since I’d been on a horse, and I felt excited. Because of my experience, I was allowed to gallop along the beach. The horse and I ran so fast. That moment felt incredible—I felt so free and strong.

For the first time in many years, I felt alive again. I felt joy. I felt fun. I felt truly happy—something I hadn’t experienced in years.

Since that horseback ride, it felt like I was finding my way back to myself. I wanted to feel more of what I had felt on that horse. I wanted to have fun and enjoy life. I started making more and more plans with a friend I met at Imani. We both wanted to explore life. As the weeks passed, I began to feel more energy. I had always believed I was a shy and quiet girl, but I discovered that I’m actually a happy, energetic, and social person. I started loving being around people again. Week by week, I noticed I was coming back to life. I felt like a completely different person—happy, present, enthusiastic, with a zest for life again.

Imani really helped me shift my core beliefs and work on my relationships—with my family, with food, with exercise, with my body, and with myself. The 12-Step work gave me so many insights into my behaviour and my relationship with life. And with my sponsor, I worked on building a relationship with my higher power. Since I found that connection, I never feel alone anymore. Every day, I connect with my higher power and ask for help in difficult moments. At the end of every day, I write down what I’m grateful for.

That practice helps me stay in recovery. It reminds me that I don’t have to do this alone—that I have value, and that I’m capable of doing hard things.

I’m writing this almost a year after I left for Imani, and so much has changed. For example, the way I show up as a person. During my eating disorder, I was more of an empty shell than a human being. I had no space for others, and I didn’t want contact. I always felt scared and ashamed.

Now, I love being around people. I’m able to show up as someone who is present, happy, and enthusiastic. I can have real conversations—and real laughter—again.

I never expected it, but I’m now finishing my studies as a social worker. Maybe in a few months, I’ll even have a real job. That feels amazing and makes life feel meaningful.

The biggest surprise of recovery is that I can enjoy life. I always thought I wasn’t made for life. I didn’t understand life—or myself in life. I was convinced I could only live by the rules of my eating disorder. I believed I couldn’t enjoy anything. That freedom wasn’t for me.

But now, when I look back at my day, I can write down five things that were amazing.
I love life.
I love being present.
I love food (yes, it’s delicious!).
I love my freedom.
And I love being in contact with the people around me.

And yes—a year ago, I never expected any of this.

But lovely human being who’s reading this:
RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE. FOR ME. FOR YOU. FOR EVERYONE.

Thank you for sharing your story. You are a true inspiration. 💚